


The Aftermath is Secondary

by henclair



Series: Brace For Impact [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Boys Kissing, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/F, Flashbacks, Kissing, M/M, Panic Attacks, Violence, a bit - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 23:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11115552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henclair/pseuds/henclair
Summary: Or a disaster. It was like staring down the barrel of a gun, waiting for the bullet.





	The Aftermath is Secondary

The room was still, no one dared even breathe. The entire room seemed to be on the verge of tears. Alex felt like he was watching from outside of his body, seeing the entire situation, teeming with life on the precipice of something new.

Or a disaster. It was like staring down the barrel of a gun, waiting for the bullet. Alex wanted someone to talk anyone to talk, to yell to scream but not this silence. The lack of sound is suffocating, and Alex is young again, on Nevis but this time it isn’t water cutting off his breath, it’s the heavy silence. Alex can’t see the girls, his eyes are clouding up with tears, hot and burning his eyes. The tears spill onto his cheeks and he is no longer in New York, he’s in his old house. His mother is dying on their ratty bed in their shabby house. He’s watching his cousin take his last laboured breath hanging from the ceiling. He’s watching the hurt on everyone’s faces after he did countless things, why did anyone still love him? He didn’t deserve it. Not at all. Not after everything.

He feels a comforting hand on his back and realizes Eliza has gotten up to comfort him and Alex is hit by a wave of guilt. Sweet Eliza, his Eliza, well not his anymore he assumed. He was sad to lose her, and he hoped that she never left. He wanted, no needed a friend like Elizabeth Schuyler. The hand on his back brought him back to reality and he realized how broken the situation was.

Had he really never been able to see the brokenness at the edges of his life, the rough corners and the anger brewing just under the surface. There was always discord in his life. It wasn’t always trouble but now that he realized it Alex knew that something snapped once and never went back. John was right, he was destroying everyone and everything around him.

That thought brought Alex fully back into reality.

John.

Oh my god. John. Had he heard? Was he okay? A million questions and scenarios flashed through his head. His thoughts cut off by the sound of laughter.

Hamilton looked up to see Angelica laughing, with honest to god joy and mirth. Eliza and Maria were looking at her like she had just done something crazy, and considering Angelica’s temper, laughter was crazy. Angelica looked at Hamilton, the laughter trailing off as she got up and dusted of her rose silk jacket, smoothing down her skinny jeans.

“Well I’ll be damned Alex, I never assumed that’d be your answer, I thought you’d never realize your feelings for him. I’m proud of you,” she trailed off, leaning down to where Hamilton was curled up on the floor, when did he curl up he wondered, and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Alex looked up at her in amazement, this was the most tender he’d ever seen this woman. Her smile disappeared suddenly and she slapped him across the face, palm open, the sound ringing throughout the apartment. Her rings left a nasty scratch on the short man’s cheek. 

“That’s for Maria and my sister, you little bastard.” She whispered lowly, the tenderness gone. White noise crackled behind his ears, it had been so long since someone used that word with malice behind it and it was about to trigger another bout of emotions.

Angelica walked out and Eliza got up, looking down on Alex. Alex saw her stormy expression and he was scared. Truly.

“Alexander,” she said, her blue eyes looking anywhere but his brown ones, “I’m truly sorry, you will lose so many people like you have lost them, but I hope,” sob broke through her words, “that we can at least be friends. You’re all too easy to fall for, so I hope you make something work. But you no longer have the right to call me yours.” Then like her sister, she placed a kiss on his cheek before going to sit on the couch next to Maria, who was still white as a sheet.

Eliza put her arm around Maria and pulled her closer.

Maria spoke to Alex, her lips quivering.

“Touch me again without permission and you’ll wish you never came to the States.” She whispered out, hitting home on the raven haired man. “But,” she hesitated, “we’re friends.” Hamilton let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he still had friends, at least two. These girls were so precious to him, he couldn't lose them. Nor could he lose John.

Turning around quickly after Maria made it clear the conversation was over, Alex looked to John’s doorway to see him standing there, eyes still widened with shock. Alex’s breath hitched at the sight of his eyes puffy from crying, and his lips a dark red from biting them. God those lips. He saw the telltale flush underneath his freckles, making his skin pop with color. Despite being a mess Alexander still found John Laurens to be the most physically and mentally attractive person he had ever met. 

“John did you hear anything?” Alex asked nervously, he didn’t want to lose this man, his best friend.

John just nodded and motioned for him to come over, biting his lips. Alex wondered if anyone else could hear his heart beating. This was it, do or die moment. 

He knew John liked him, if their earlier conversation was anything to go by. But would he like him anymore?

 

John grabbed his hand and pulled him into his bedroom, where Lafayette and Hercules sat. “Leave.” John rasped out at the other two, who followed orders quickly and shut the door behind themselves. John held Alex’s hand tightly, like it was the only thing keeping him from drowning in a stormy ocean.

“Alex,” John started, looking away uncomfortably, “did you really mean it?” Alex was surprised, he hadn’t been expecting that question. Nodding ever so slightly Alex could see John’s face shift to a bright smile. The freckled man looked ecstatic and Alexander couldn’t help but be drawn in by that smile.

“John? Are you okay?” Alex asked, then suddenly the words started overflowing out of his mouth, “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier, I hope we can still be friends. I had a feeling you liked me because of your reaction earlier but if I’m wrong then holy shit I hope we can stay friends. You’re amazingly talented and smart, not just conventionally and oh my god, I never want to lose you and your beautiful self. You are so beautiful, did you know? Because it’s true. God. I'm so hopeless everytime I see your beautiful and perfect form and freckles, you look like a freaking jock boy stereotype but I’m not complaining seeing as I have gotten to see you everyday in our dorm. Shit that sounds creepy, it kind of is. You really don’t understand, I have to physically restrain myself from kissing you senseless. I’m restraining myself right now, I mean..” Alex was suddenly cut off by John whispering.

“Then don’t restrain it.” Alex blinked, had he really just heard that? Apparently so, because his brain short circuited as the freckled man swooped in.

John caught Alex’s lips in a bruising kiss, and unlike any of the other times they had kissed, both of them were sober. Alex’s slightly chapped lips were in stark contrast to John’s soft peppermint tasting ones. “You talk too much.” He mumbled against Alex’s lips, and god if that didn’t fulfill all his fantasies. John scooted them closer together, swiping his tongue on Alex’s bottom lip for access. Alex happily obliged, opening his mouth to John’s tongue and intertwining them. Alex bit John’s lower lip, causing John to let a small whimper and ok Alex was definitely in heaven. He pushed John up against a wall never disconnecting their lips. Their bodies pressed flush against each other, Hamilton put his arms around John, effectively trapping the taller man up against the wall.

“No you don’t.” John said pulling away from Alex into the wall and in one fluid motion flipping their positions around and pushing Alex closer to the wall, eliciting a squeak out of the smaller man. “I’ve waited too long for this, I’m in control now.” Alex happily complied, letting John kiss him fiercely, the other man’s tongue slipping into Alex’s mouth after he worried Alex’s lips with his own between his teeth and caused Alex’s mouth to open as he let out a small noise. John straddles the smaller boy, settling down into Alex’s lap.

 

It isn’t perfect, they’ve both got drying tears turning pasty on their cheeks and there is slightly too much tongue and Alex’s arm is in a weird position, but neither would trade it for the world.

As John starts sliding his hands up Alex’s shirt, his long fingers possessively splaying over Alex’s stomach, there’s a sound outside of the door. John notices, Alex doesn’t, but John just swoops back in for another kiss, dipping his tongue in and out of Alex’s mouth teasingly. 

“I’m just worried Laf, John’s volatile when he’s angry,” Herc says walking in the room, opening the door with a click. The buff man’s eyes widen and he lets out a surprised noise. Both men on the bed are aware of the compromising position they’ve been caught in but neither seems to care. John gives Herc a small wave, leaving the other hand up Hamilton’s shirt, Hamilton himself just smiling apologetically with a bright flush creeping down his neck.

“Herc? Mon amour, you’ve been quiet, is everything oka-OH!” Lafayette walks into the room as well and jumps back startled immediately. The two pairs just stay in silence for a terse second before Hercules coughs.

“We’ll leave you two be,” Hercules says, turning bright red and grabbing the others arm and dragging Lafayette out of the room. Lafayette makes an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture at Hamilton, who gulps uncomfortably. When the door closes John removes his other hand from Alex’s belly, who looks distressed at the loss. John doesn’t remove himself from Alex’s lap right away, not until pressing a quick kiss to the corner of the other man’s lips.

“We should probably talk for real now.” John says and Alex’s heart sinks a bit, communicating was all he was good at, but the moment it came to communication in relationships he was quite literally at a loss for words.

“Ok.” Alex says plainly, letting John start.

“So, we’ve now realized we have a mutual state of affection, what are we?” John asks and Alex takes a deep breath.

“John, I would like you to be my boyfriend. If you are free we can head out right now to a cafe, if you want a formal starting date, or not. I just want to be with you, in every sense of the world.” Alex says, his words rushing out, and John’s smile erupts. He intertwines their fingers and John squeezes Alex’s hand. Alex has words that are running through his head and he’s unaware if he’s saying it out loud until John speaks up, unfazed.

“Of course boyfriend!” He says, kissing Alex’s cheek and making the smaller man almost cry with relief and happiness. “Lead the way, coffee sounds great actually.” he says, getting up and hauling Alex up with him. Alex’s balance is thrown off and he stumbles around, before falling straight into John’s arms. The two men crack up.

“I mean babe, I know you’re my boyfriend now, but you don’t have to,” Alex groans knowing what was gonna come out of John’s mouth next, “fall for me.” Alex smiles at the pun and Laurens smirks, proud of himself. Alex pushes himself out of the taller man’s arms and smiles at him, opening the door for him. John feigns surprise.  
“What a gentleman!” He says and Alex rolls his eyes, amused.

“Come on you nerd, we’re going on a date.” Alex says, grabbing John's hand and hauling them to the door. Hercules and Lafayette are sitting on the couch, both scrolling on their respective phones. Alex and John wink at the couple, making them blush profusely. Maria and Eliza must’ve left because they are no longer sitting on the couch. Alex realizes somewhere in the back of his mind that he probably should check his phone someday, but right now he has a cute guy to take out.

They go to Hive: The Place To Bee, a small hipster place where Peggy Schuyler works. They don’t run into her, but it’s probably for the best. Alex and John spend hours at the hectagon table, slowly sipping drinks and learning each other in ways they haven’t before. Alex comes the the realization that he knows John better than he knows his own mind, and wonders why he didn’t realize he loved him until it was almost too late. When the drinks are finished and the sky is darkening Alex and John head out, sharing a sweet coffee tasting kiss in the doorway, a bell jingling over their heads.

They head back to their dorm sending Lafayette and Hercules a quick text to let them know they’re okay and back to their dorm where John crashes in Alex’s bed for the night after washing up. Alex places a small hand in John’s frizzy hair, and works the curls into a semblance of order as John drifts off. Alex smiles into John’s back when he slips under the covers, and spoons John, his breathing evening out.

They lay there, simply exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster that was that day. The stars continue to shine, and when the sun begins to rise and Alex wakes with it, shaking John awake.

The men silently creep out of the dorm, and onto the roof. John doesn’t question what Alex is doing, and so they move with the quiet hum of the city around them. Alex is tightly grasping John’s hand as the dangle their legs over the edge of the building, looking down the 13 stories of the building and feeling their hearts leap into their throats at the feeling of being on the edge. 

A dazzling beam of light covers the city with a warm glow and Alex steals a kiss, both of their mouths tasting of sleep and tv static. John sighs contentedly, and Alex doesn’t know when but at some point he starts to cry quietly, John brushing a few tears away before beginning the crying himself. Emotions are overwhelming and it was almost too much.

John slips his phone out and turns on a playlist, Lily Allen’s soft british accent beginning a soft song about feeling and loss. There is an indescribable feeling of flying and neither speaks a word the entire time, content with company. They sit at the edge, almost giddy as they watch the sun rise over their New York city.

**Author's Note:**

> eliza/maria is gonna be the focus of the next in this series, cause give!! me!! marliza!!  
> tumblrs as always are: @floralconversesations and @writinginmysparetime  
> hmu with those sweet sweet b e a n s (jk kudos and comments)


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